Sunday, March 31, 2013


Sorry for not updating anything for a long time because I was busy with my mid term tests last 2 weeks and I had a terrible fever.I was travelling back and to college from home everyday that week.And last week was my mid term break and I was recovering from my illness,so I was resting and not doing anything(not really) the entire week but I took a chance to meet with A since he's in on holiday too and I think he still is.We had fun watching movie,'Jack The Giant Slayer',that movie was amazing!...We really had fun,I told him everything about what happened in my life now and all the problems that I have to was great,I wish I could meet him again...

There's 2 things that I told A that I wanna do here,at my college or hostel.I did the first one,just now,which is to cry my eyes out and to let my sadness out,though I'm not so sure if it's all out...but I still haven't get the chance to do the second one,which is to speak in English with my friends.I'm not trying to brag or anything,just that me and my best friends always speak in English to each other,so I wanna do the same here but I don't really have the guts to do it.I told my lecturer about it and she said I should just maybe I will..wish me luck!...about me crying thing,don't tell anyone,ok?... 

I watched 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' yesterday and it hit me,makes me realize how I had behave here in college when I feel too comfortable.You see,when I was in school,I acted kinda like a sissy(not on purpose) and because of that people always tease me.I hate myself or acting the way I did,so I plan not to behave the same way but I'm worry that I might acted sissy when I'm too comfortable without realizing it,though so far not one tease me of being sissy...the thing is,I kinda trying to be alone and not feeling too comfortable but my girl friends think that I'm mad at them.I want to tell them the truth but I'm afraid they might not understand,so I really don't know what to do....


Monday, March 4, 2013


I'm back to college.. "amazing"...There's something I wanna tell you all,something that make me feel kinda guilty.You see,everyone in my college knows my name,Zac,so a few of my guy friends,started calling me Zac Efron,especially when they found out I like to play basketball...but the thing is,I never said or admit that I like and adore Zac Efron..I mean,I didn't say I hate him but I also didn't say I adore I feel like I'm lying to myself.The reason why I don't say anything is because I'm afraid that they might think I'm being ridiculous for using the name of the person I adore....I know for some people like myself and my best friends would totally understand but people here are kinda short minded...just,do you think what I did was a good thing or should I just admit that I do adore Zac Efron??.. *sigh*

OMG!....I did something that make me feel so guilty(again)...I cheated on my quiz!!! :O...I've never did something like that before...but it wasn't just me,my friends ans a lot others(I'm sure) also cheated...but for me,it's a huge deal...I feel so,so guilty....about that Zac Efron thing,they keep calling me Zac Efron and somehow,try to make me admit that I adore him...though it's true,I can't admit that to them,they'll laugh at me because they are short-minded person...There's 2 thing I wanna tell you all.First,I brought my laptop to college because I have a presentation to do tomorrow..but sadly,there's not internet connection in my room,so if I wanna online,I have to go to the lobby... "amazing"....I don't really know why but I feel like I wish my laptop is at home,so that i would feel excited when I'm going back home(other than to meet my family)...strange,right??I'm also worry that someone might stole my laptop(hopefully not),that's why I don't tell everyone that I brought my laptop...Second thing is,I think I might have a fever..but I hope it won't get any worse..

I felt like an ass yesterday because my friend told me that her friend(who is also my friend)said I'm different that who I was a month ago and that differences is not really a good thing because yesterday I was like mad at them for like the whole time.I don't know if I realize it or not but it was horrible.I said sorry to my friend but not yet to the others but they didn't seem to hold a grudge on me...I felt terrible for what I did...and what hit me the most is when she said(nicely) "Is this who you really are?"..I was speechless...but I know that's not who I am..I'm not trying to make an excuse but the reason that I was grumpy,could be because of my sore throat(I get moody every time I have it) and a small part(maybe) of anger towards them for meeting me late for an hour the day before yesterday,one of them said that they want to do the discussion at 11.30 am but they met me at 12.30 pm..(but I didn't say that I was mad at them) maybe that's the reason and also maybe because of my fever...I don't know but everything is fine now..just that I'm trying to pull myself slightly away from them,so that I won't "lose control" again....